Groupie

We all know women are fickle creatures, but so are men too. OK maybe it's just me.

Something happened, or rather not happened over lunch today. I'm a bit conflicted over it, feeling bummed out. Here in Juba, I live in a compound with majority of non drinkers (Muslim) colleagues, and not even a handful of drinkers and pork lovers (non-Muslims, mostly Catholics). It's the Easter long weekend and a bunch of them Catholic colleagues were cooking up a storm and having a potluck lunch and drinking session outside. I wasn't invited.

Truth be told, they are not exactly the group that I want to hang out with. In fact if they would have invited me along, I'd be scratching my head making up excuses and trying to get out of it.

That said, it still hurts not being invited. To be excluded in such a small group, that hurts even more, like Jesus being condemned and crucified by his peers. I'm not trying to compare myself to Jesus, just saying how I feel.

In the end, no man is an island and we all yearn to be included. We all want to belong.

Happy Easter!

Rest Stop

Life is surely unpredictable but one thing for sure, it's long, arduous with curves and bends. Sometimes it's a smooth stroll and sometimes it's a uphill hike and sometimes it's just a mad dash. 

Then again there are rest stops along the way, like weekends! It's time to unwind. Take a seat and take a breather. After that get up and forge on.

Oh what a hectic week! Then I got home and realized there was no beers in the fridge.

Dang!

Pray for MH370

Some 48 hours later, there are still more questions than answers. We are still at a loss, like them out in the open space, afraid. There are difficult days ahead yet to come. The best thing, the right thing and most possibly the only thing that we could do now is continuing to silently pray for those aboard MH370 and their loved ones. 

MH370, godspeed.

Payback Time

The teaching of Buddha says that our family is our nemesis in our previous lives. I guess that is why we are so horrifically mean to our family, but so patiently indulgent with friends. Be it the raised voices or the snarky tones or the harsh words, they just spit out, so mercilessly and readily and swiftly. Or worse, all three spewing simultaneously! We just simply snap at each other so easily.

Perhaps after a lifetime later, it's payback time now!

Or this is just in my family?

A Simple Life

A simple life. 

Those of us slaving away week in weeks out in the city yearn for it constantly. Remember even Paris Hilton wanted it so much that she had a tv-show about it.

Unfortunately, reality bites. No, in fact reality sucks. Here's a news flash: There's no simple life! Life is anything but simple. Try as you may, it is complicated, has been and always will be. 

So what do we to do?

Just deal with it, taking it as it comes one day at a time and remember to breathe.

Take a Break

Take a break from cooping at home in the death of winter and head out skating on the frozen over lake for a bit of a sweat out and fresh air.

Take a break from the almost unsolvable trouble at hand and grab a beer or a cigarette or both to take the mind off the bind and shut it out for some momentarily indulgence.

Take a break from the all-nighter chasing deadline and catch some shut-eye.

Take a break from the craziness at office and off to a short getaway to recharge the lethargic body and soul.

Take a break from the hectic day and go call mom as you no longer when was the last time you called.

Take a break from work and go learn something new or go do something new for the fear of unknown is terrifying and exciting at the same time.

Take a break from a friendship and keep a bit of distance to give each other some space as the city is suffocating as it is.

Take a break from love and spend some time apart for the yearning for each other is growing ever so strong and intense. 

Take a break... 

It's All About Timing

As in photography, as well as in life and in love, timing is everything. If it is not happening for you just yet, then just be patience, and persevere.

Be Nice

New year came and gone. Then the Lunar came and gone too. I'm normally not big on resolution (because I can hardly keep them) but this year I strive just to be pleasant and be courteous to the people around me. With that, I hope it'd make their day just a bit brighter and breezier.

If there's one thing that I'm quick, it must that I've always been quick at getting mad over some little things in the mundane daily grind. A waiter getting my order mixed up or a colleague not holding the elevator door opened or a car not parking properly or the telephone repairman showing up 5 minutes late or a stranger not returning my smile. I'd have no qualms of letting them know my utter dismay through some snarky remarks. Sometimes hurtful even. 

And then so what? So fucking what? The truth is getting mad drives my BP through the roof. That is it!  My food would take longer to get to my table, I have to take the next elevator, another round around the car park for a parking space, no call for the next 5 minutes, and the stranger, oh how is a stranger not returning my smile affecting me? The predicament that I'm in, if I can even call it that, remains. Oh my snarky and hurtful remarks remedy absolutely nothing, just very likely making the other party feeling like shit. That is how people get driven apart and life become cold and miserable.

For the past 2 years I been working in a country on a dangerous brink of a civil war. I grew up in a country with a uber-sensitive undertow of social and racial strain. I've experienced first hand the devastation as a result of such a divide between people. It ain't pretty let me tell 'ya. If I could have a super power bestowed upon me, I would like to get people, family or friends or foes or strangers, just closer together. 

And the first step, is simply be nice. Just a gentle smile or an acknowledging nod, I believe, has the unimaginably magical power to move mountains and gravitate people towards each other. And then the rest will just be falling beautifully in place on their own.

Hope for South Sudan

I never get tired of the view of Juba every time when the plane takes off or approaches for landing. Whatever time of the day, whatever weather of the moment, the view always takes my breath away, makes my heart skip a beat and leaves me in utter awe. I'm in awe of the beauty of the land and the kindness of the people. Coming out from a 2-decade civil war, they remain cheerful and resilient. There's always a infectious smiles on their faces, jovial greetings and a hearty handshake. While there's still a lot to work on here in the country, they had achieved such tremendous progress over the last 2 years. The potential of the land and the people is almost infinite. Even the sky is not the limit.

May the horrifically senseless ethnic clash end soon. May the people of South Sudan persevere through this painful period. May peace and hope be upon the land.  

A Year Later

A year later, I'm still reminiscing the past. A year later, I'm still hoping for the future. A year later, I'm still examining what went wrong. A year later, I'm still imagining what could have been. A year later, I'm still asking questions. A year later, I'm still looking for answers. A year later, I'm still recovering.

A year later, it still hurts. 

A year later, I still learning to let go.

Photo of the Week

While sorting and archiving my photos over the weekend, I came across this one that I snapped in a cafe during a day trip to Melaka back in last June. The picture totally summed up how I felt for the whole last week, especially during daylight hours! A whole week, days and nights devoted to sieving through volumes reports and capturing tonnes of figures and converting those into a presentation, all due to the incompetency of a colleague in delivering presentation. 

Well, shit happens at work all the time everywhere, isn't it? Be it in Juba or KL or NYC.

Good thing that we get a long weekend here in Juba till Tuesday, for the Eid ul Adha festivity. It's time to play catch-up on shut-eye. 

Sometimes, the universe works in a mysterious way.

Zzz... Zzz...

Slow Down

Most of the time, we are in such a struggle just to stay afloat, if not drown, in the choppy waves of madness of meetings, powerpoints and spreadsheets, traffics, bills and deadlines. So violently we are sloshed around breathless, a minute reaching out of the water gasping for air, the next minute pulling in by the undertow gulping water. Everything seems to be in such frantic chaos. 

We forget our passions, our purpose and our family. We forget that life is a heck lot larger than this craziness. We forget how to stay still, how to lay quietly, how to take in the view. We forget hope. We forget everything.

Then that would be the beginning of our painful end.

So once in awhile, slow down. Take a minute to feel the sun and smell the grass and hear the wind and taste the air and look into the horizon afar.

Question

Whose hands are you holding while strolling into the sunset?

Lately, that's the question going like a broken record in my head.

My biological clock ticking aloud?

Labania Kopa

It had been an eventful month of Ramadan, to say the least. In fact it had been controversial. First there was the BKT Iftar greetings and court case shenanigan that followed. Then there was the makeshift canteen in the changing room for the non-muslim kids in the school and it's drama still playing out on the media, well towards the end of Eid even.

I remembered that Ramadan in Lamu a few years back. Lamu is a ancient town on the Kenyan coast with a muslim majority and everyday life is steep in Islam faith, practices and customs. It was a hot day. I was roaming within the maze of the old  Lamu stone town, wondering the life behind the doors and walls. I knocked on a wooden door heavily adorned with intricate carvings. There was  no answer so I pushed open the door and marched straight in for a bit of snooping around. 

To my surprise, what seemed empty and abandoned from the outside is actually a cozy family home inside. A mother was sitting on the living room floor with her daughter weaving flower garlands welcomed me in in Swahili with a big smile. She told me that the garlands would be used as hair accessories as well as fragrance for the lady. When I asked to look around her home, she gladly called in her nephew to show me around. When I came back to bid her farewell, seeing me drenched in sweat, she offered me a glass of water, even when her whole family was fasting. She even asked if I'd like cold water! She was so warm and welcoming, happily taking me, a total stranger, who could be an axe murderer into her home and offering me cold water while she observed her fast!

As I left, I noticed there were trays of some sort of palm-sized heart shape cookie basking under the sun in the court yard. Naturally I asked what were those. They were called labania kopa. If i remember correctly labania means the milk sweets and kopa means heart. She was making that for the coming Eid. I bought one from her. It was a kind of milk fudge, sweet and milky!

Remembering the encounter on that hot day, how I wish that my fellow countrymen can take heed from the Lamu mother,  having a big heart like her labania kopa, always sweet and warm, open and accepting as well as true to her own faith and respecting others.

Something to think about.

Hope it's not too late to wish everyone Eid Mubarak!

Good Luck South Sudan

The road to nationhood for South Sudan had been a long and arduous one. Two years into the independence, the people are still haunted by the 21 years of civil war. Slowly and gingerly, the South Sudanese are on the path to recovery and reconciliation, but the situation in country remains fragile and volatile. 

There is the looming threat of the collapse of the economy from the shutdown of the oil industry due to the on-going spat with Sudan, contentious claims over the Abyei region, tribal conflicts among her diverse people, rampant corruptions, human violation, worsening humanitarian crisis, widespread poverty and then the latest power struggle within the government that potential could send the country into another downward spiral of violence and conflict. 

And sadly, the list seems endless. The people are still suffering gravely, needlessly.

Haven't they gone through enough? Don't they deserve a better future?

Oh South Sudan, I hope you'll find the strength and wisdom and perseverance and resilience to forge on. Turning back is simply not an option. Not at all!

"Good Morning!"

At times, by that I mean most of the times, working and living in Juba can be quite a drag for Juba is a small sleepy town. While Juba is indeed growing rapidly, she has not much to offer, yet. 

As we all know, all work and no play makes Boonsky a dull boy. So I run. I run with the Juba Hash House Harriers every Saturday evening. It's a fun group, made up of mostly the expats in town working for the various NGOs and foreign businesses. We run all over the places, various neighborhoods in town, along the river and villages at the edge of the town.

A group of mostly blonde hair blue eyes fair skin men and women running around town sure attract a lot of attention. The friendly locals always cheer us on, albeit with a perplexed look on there face, probably wondering why are these crazy folks running around town in the late afternoon heat, yelling "On! On!" along the way. 

And then there are the kids, the cutest and craziest bunch. They are such a fun hoot! The shy ones would simply flash a big smile and wave at us from a distance. The brave ones would burst out from their hut or yard to high-five us, wide eye and grinning. They are those making funny faces at us and posing for pictures. Some would even join us for a bit, chasing after us down the street, often running bare footed and half naked, hollering "Kowaja!" (Foreigners!) and greeting us "Hello!" or "Good morning!"

Yes, they yell: "Good morning!" at 5:30 in the evening. Loud and chirpy, with the sunniest and most infectious smiles. 

Oh bless 'em kids!

A Better Tomorrow

Today is one of the darkest day for my people and my country, if not the darkest. The day was started with high hope for change. Sadly it ended spiraling down into an abyss of despair, frustration, disgust and shame. Electoral fraud was rampant, money politics, intimidations, voters' list irregularity, ballot box rigging.  You name it, we got it, and then some!

Democracy is dead.

I'm crying for my people and my country.

I'm praying for better tomorrow.

37

As you grow older, birthdays just sneak up on you. Before you know it, another year slips by, like any other day. Another year healthier, if not wiser hopefully. Healthier, that's all I hope for. It's a universal fact that as you get older, the body get slower. Let just pray that it's only the body that's getting slower with age, not the mind too. 

Let's face it, I'm no longer a spring chicken, though I'm been discipline with my diet and exercise almost all my adult life, fighting deterioration of the body along with age is indeed a losing battle. I'm getting a bit flabby around the waist, it's easier to pile them load there and it's taking me longer to lose. I'm more susceptible to cold and fatigue. My back ache is recurring. The worst of all, I notice decay in my pearly-whites! Now that's serious business. I'm flossing every night from now on.

Good thing that I'm not losing my mind and my faculty yet, not noticeably so anyway. But my fuse is running shorter and I'm quite emotional nowadays. Is there a correlation of hormonal change with aging, in men? Maybe I'm just having too much on my mind, from work especially. Being busy is one thing but work has been feeling kinda' dead-endish off late and the people that I'm working with now ain't helping much either. Am I'm cocooned myself in this comfort zone for too long? Time to make a career move?

But the money is good! And the holiday is even better! I ain't exactly livin' la vida loca in Juba, not that I ever been or Juba could offer such la vida loca. But with the mullahs I;m making here and the holiday from my work rotation, I can go loco-loco elsewhere should I wish to. It's always good to have options!

That said, I should be grateful to be able to have options, and I am. I'm doing quite a lot better than a lot of my peers. I can chose to enjoy the finer things in life if I want to. Good thing that my sound as a pound Chinese mind is still good to keep me checked and grounded for enjoying the finer things in life cost quite a bit. In fact I'm blessed with the Micheline-star quality food on my plate, the designer clothes on my back and the 9-tier palatial roof over my head. (Allow me to dream a little, it's my birthday after all) More importantly I'm blessed with the love of family and friends.

What more could I ask for?

Actually there can be quite a lot. I can start a list on that, topping with running a marathon, now being move to before I turn 40.

Happy birthday to me.

Beyond Impossible

Do you believe that God created a someone out there for you, that God put a someone in the over 7 billion people living in the world today for you? 

And all you need to do is find that special someone. 

Good on you if you are one of those lucky ones who found that someone. Please hold on to your someone for your dear life. Finding that special someone who adores and loves you to bits out of 7 billion people is already impossible, and finding that someone who adores and loves you AND willing to put up with all your shit, now that's just beyond impossible. Treasure them, cherish them, love them with all your heart. 

You have no freaking idea how blessed and lucky you are. So count your blessing.

For those unlucky bastards who are still searching, good luck. You'll absolutely certainly need it.

I'd like to think that there's more than one someone. It's simply because the odd of finding that one someone in 7 billion, that's just whacked! God can't be that cruel or that funny.

April Fool

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me!" 

Someone put on a article online today about the news of the dissolution of the parliament at home. I bought that, and went around telling and confirming with my Malaysian colleagues here. We all were pretty anxious about going home to vote in the coming general election. 

It turned out to be a hoax!

Oh got me!

But a bit of foolishness in life is good, necessary even. Do you remember our foolish innocence and trusting the best in people? Or the days when we were foolishly brave rushing in for love? What about the enthusiastically foolish passion to chase our dreams?  Where is our foolish optimism on life?

Sometimes I wish I'm still a fool.