End and Ending

Lately, feeling a little down, a little off, a little gray.

There's this unshakable uneasiness coming over me, like the tides engulfing the shore, at times sweeping across gently, at times hitting down violently. Life is not exactly falling apart but it seems unsettling. Things that I once held dear, I'm losing my grip. I feel like I'm losing my grip.

I'm scrambling to hold on to it tight, as hard as I can. Most of the time, that feels like a grabbing the tiniest driftwood in the vast ocean, holding it for dear life. It is hopeful and hopeless at the same time.

But what's the point? Then I feel like letting go. But quitting is almost unbearable. Maybe it's time to let go, time to move on.

I just want it to end. But what kind of ending?

Questioning and doubting, over and over again...