Tuesday, August 01, 2006


I was rude today, towards a colleague in the office. We were in a discussion and I was seeking clarifications from him. At first I was not satisfied with his answers. Therefore I rephrased my questions, yet it was getting nowhere. I then pressed on further, since not only he was not responding to my inquiries, he was stalling and avoiding, going around in circles and trying to change the subject. I snapped. Here we had a situation at hands yet I did not see any solid effort from him to deal with the situation. (By the way, it was totally his responsibility to address the situation.) My tone was turning stern and my voice was getting raised, in the office, in front of people.

Perhaps I saw what I did not want to see: he pushing the work to a new engineer, he waiting for information instead of proactively getting the data needed, he spending time surfing the net for personal errands, he dispensing motherhood statement but not any substantial analysis, he taking no actions, he sitting around doing nothing! What pushed me across the edge was the fact that he is a senior staff, he earns at least 5 times my salary (he’s an expatriate), he demands a lot of additional perks and benefits and he yet sits around and does absolutely zilch!!

Perhaps those were what I wanted to see. So I could justify what I did. Subconsciously my actions were pre-meditated. After all I initiated the discussion. Then I challenged him continuously. And I interrupted him several times. Also I barked out instructions to him, of what I see fit as the course of actions. Finally, the worst of all, I left him no graceful exit.

He was certainly guilty of slacking off and not doing his work. So I believe that my actions were justified, except that I was being a nasty SOB for putting him in such a place with no exit plan.

A friend told me:” An great man, who wants to do great things, must learn to hold his feeling, his emotion and his rage”. That moment I turned into the smallest person in the world. I felt like shit for the rest of the day.

Next time I’ll do it behind closed door.

1 comment:

Hanapatria said...

The strength comes from knowing your weakness:-) Take it easy, live and learn:-)