Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mother Material

Some women are not meant be mothers. I think my sister R is one of them. Shameful and demeaning as it sounds, I mean no disrespect.

I would think becoming a mother would soften her up and mellow her down. Nope, not at all. She remains just as impatience and hot temper as she used to be, even when dealing with her twins. Babies, sometimes they throw tantrums, sometimes they misbehave, sometimes they are just being babies, running on a short fuse, R would be wasting no time in raising her voice and sometimes her hands.

Recently, in the heat of the moment, she slapped one of the twins in the face. So, I went over to check on her and the twins. She told me that she realized what she had done but she couldn’t restrain herself. Taking care of the twins and managing the household are simply unbearable and extremely stressful. She has not been resting well, she has not been practicing yoga, she has not been having time for herself. She’s losing it.

“This baby business, it takes times, you know. And you got double whammies, more time and more patience. Motherhood is about patience and sacrifice.” I was trying to console her. “Yeah, but I have no patience with kids. Believe me I tried. I love my twins very, very much but I'm not one of those moms who spend 24/7 with their babies.” She replied, with deep regrets and a sense of helplessness. “I’m getting a live-in nanny.” She added, with her trademark resoluteness.

I remembered asking her during her pregnancy on how did she feel about the whole pregnancy thing and did she notice any change within herself. “ What change? No change, I don’t feel a thing.” She shot back promptly, like a reflex reaction.

Perhaps R is no mother material. She’s simply not cut out for it.

Becoming a mother is definitely one of those monumental moments that split life into before and after. Everything changes there after, permanently, even the minute details such as sleeping hours, groceries list, driving speed and yoga schedule. Behavior changes. Priority changes. Perspective changes. Life changes, as in you have no life anymore, you have babies. But hopefully along with that, you have endless and priceless joy.

To mothers and future mothers, all the best.

Happy Mothers’ Day.

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