Monday, May 04, 2009

33

For my birthday this year I went for a long drive too. Actually it was my sister doing the driving, while I comfortably and leisurely parked my ass on the passenger seat, yakking away. Hey I was keeping her awake for the long road trip. We were heading home for the long weekend, for a wedding banquet and a birthday bash, of which both were not mine.

Back when I was young, I mean really really young, I had this perception of 30s would be a wonderful period in a man’s life. School is out of the way. Career is built progressively. At the same time, commitments are piling up steadily too: mortgage, car loan plus whatever gadgets and toys. But financially, a 30 something would be stable and independent. Emotionally, he would probably be done playing the field and be in a steady relationship with the love of his life. Next up would be the taking the plunge and then later making juniors. Simply, life is sweeeeet. I couldn’t wait to join the club.

Of course, truth hurts (like getting kicked at your balls continuously) and reality is cruel and life is a bitch.

You see, I’m so not living the sweet life. OK, I have a job (thankfully in the current economic climate) but I’m not sure if it’d be my career, and it certainly not progressing fast enough. I’m driving a 20 plus years-old ancient junk car. No house, no gadget, no toys. Emotionally, I’m now pathetically single. Well, I never imagined myself getting hitched before 35. But looking at how pathetically single I am at the moment, I’d be lucky if I could get some kind soul to take pity on me before 40.

I suppose the silver lining is that I’m financially stable and independent. Coupled with the fact that I have almost zero commitment, I can take off at my whim and fancy to explore other things in this supposedly sweet life. I once desired traveling around the world, living it large on the road. It’s not exactly an original dream and rather a predictable one, I guess I could serve my 3-month notice and hitting the happy trail in August.

A new career, perhaps, doing something completely different, like starting a business. Once I was evaluated by a talent resource consultant as someone who would excel in sales and marketing. But, what to sell? What to market?

What about moving/migrating to a new country? Starting anew anonymously in a new place with new people, can both be just as exciting and fearful at the same time. A new beginning as such is electrifying. And I like fear, as a really effective motivator, pushing one to the edge, to the new limit, to an alien territory and learn to survive and thrive. Now which country? Canada?

Going back to school might be another option. School? OK, maybe not.

It’s starting to look like the possibilities are stacking up not too shabby. It’s good to know that I have options. I like that. But what do I do? Decision, decision, decision.

Awhile back, a dear friend sent me an email asking me 2 questions:
“Question 1 to answer FIRST: Where is it I want to be in 20yrs from now?
Question 2: Are the things I am doing/choices RIGHT now going to get me there? How and Why?”

Looking at the questions, I realize my options are very present term. What about the future?

Darn it! Now I have to look 20 years ahead too!

Happy birthday to me.

5 comments:

Celestial_star said...

的确,30虽让人有不知所措的感觉。曾经幻想多么美好,可往往货不对办。

我也正面对着尴尬的30岁大关呢!

加油!

恩妮 said...

happy belated birthday!

IZWAN SHAHMIN said...

I like this post.
Anyway, you still look young :D

Anonymous said...

yeah. agree with Izwan, u dont actually look as 30s. Just be happy.

Ms Lime said...

Talking about life crisis. I can so relate to that. I call mine - The quarter life crisis. Don't you just hate it when you're at an age where you're supposed to be certain of the direction, and you find yourself still searching.

Some random passer-by.