Deja Vu

Losing a parent after a battle with cancer, how is that like? I can't even begin imagine.

At times, God is cruel. He hit the repeat button on my friend R. And now the dad is gone too, giving in cancer as well.

It's time like this I question God. How could the ever merciful become so merciless?

R looked tired. He told us about the last few months of his dad. How the cancer had taken over about 2 month ago, his dad becoming forgetful, violent mood swings, losing his coordination, losing his bodily function, losing his memory, losing his mind, losing himself. He talked about how he fed his dad through a tube. He talked the different drugs the doctor prescribed, the treatment side effect. He talked about the decision they had to make, as to prolong his dad's life or prolong his death. He was very composed, very plainly, very in control, as the R that we know all along. But at times sadness just overwhelmed him, his voice almost cracked, his eyes welled up a little. We listened, closely and quietly.

I remember meeting his dad the last time, back in Mar last year. He was a tall old man, with a stern face and a deep voice, able and coherent. Nine months later he lied stiffly and cold in the room. Lifeless. I remember him being a lot taller. Lying there in the coffin he looked short and very thin.

Life is so unpredictable. One moment it's strong and full of energy, the next it is so fragile and vulnerable. The time with our parents and our loved ones must be cherished and celebrated fully, before it's too late. We never know how much time we have.